Shit Geeky Girls Say...

Last week, I came across this awesome video in which Toria (The Toria Show) tells us all the shit geek girls say. It's hilariously true.



She explains that this is all stuff she says, but she assumes other geeky girls may say similar things. She's right. I don't partake in all the realms of geekdom that she references (e.g. comic books, Doctor Who), but enough of these resonated for me that I was laughing very hard.

Yes, female armor is so much skimpier than male armor! I couldn't believe it in SWTOR when my Jedi had heavy armor that left her with a bare midriff. Ridiculous! Then there's the slave girl outfit (luckily only counts as light armor). Obligatory, I suppose. But I've yet to find the slave male outfit.

Picard, hands down!

RPG > FPS.

I'm usually pretty decisive about hair color, but the eye spacing... That's a tricky one. You don't want to spend the whole game thinking "I should have gone one tick closer" every time you see your character's face!

In Baldur's Gate, I definitely did give my fighter/thief more charisma than she needed. I wanted people to like me! What's wrong with that?

I showed this video to my boyfriend, to get a sense of what I really do say vs. just think silently to myself. He laughed particularly hard at the "My character is awesome!" line, and when she sings the Lord of the Rings Shire theme, plus the bit from "Still Alive". I sing those a LOT.

The funniest bit for me, though, came right at the beginning. "Did I ever tell you I speak Elvish?" The day I saw this video, earlier that morning I had just told a friend of mine that I speak (a little) Elvish. GET OUT OF MY HEAD, TORIA!

NPR's Top 100 Sci-Fi and Fantasy Books

NPR recently published its list of the Top 100 Science-Fiction and Fantasy Books, as nominated by fans, weeded through by experts, then voted on by fans. It's a great list, though I should note that they left off all young adult sci-fi and fantasy (no Harry Potter or Narnia). They promised a separate list for the young adult books in future summers.

I'm sorry to say that I have only read a handful of the books that made the list*. Here are the ones I've read (if I've read at least one complete book in a listed series, I count that), with the brief description from the NPR list and my commentary:

#1 The Lord of the Rings, J. R. R. Tolkien

Tolkien's seminal three-volume epic chronicles the War of the Ring, in which Frodo the hobbit and his companions set out to destroy the evil Ring of Power and restore peace to Middle-earth. The beloved trilogy still casts a long shadow, having established some of the most familiar and enduring tropes in fantasy literature.

I actually didn't read this book/trilogy until shortly before the movies started coming out, and I have only read them through the one time. It's the movies that I have watched over and over; while Tolkien created this marvelous world, Jackson et al. may have had more...narrative finesse. But I still consider myself a huge fan of the books. I can speak a bit of Quenya, after all.

#2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams

In the first, hilarious volume of Adams' Hitchhiker's series, reluctant galactic traveler Arthur Dent gets swept up in some literally Earth-shattering events involving aliens, sperm whales, a depressed robot, mice who are more than they seem, and some really, really bad poetry.

I finally got around to reading this one in college and found it absolutely delightful. The dolphins, the petunias, the galactic battle fleet swallowed by a small dog. It's a fun, fast read. The movie doesn't do it justice, but it does have some good bits (Alan Rickman is enjoyable, as always). The book is the first in a series, but the NPR list only credits this first one.

#5 A Song of Ice and Fire, George R. R. Martin
Ummm, this description might count as spoilers (though ones you probably expected) if you've only read the first book/seen the first season. I'll let you highlight to read.

As the Seven Kingdoms face a generation-long winter, the royal Stark family confronts the poisonous plots of the rival Lannisters, the emergence of the Neverborn demons, the arrival of barbarian hordes, and other threats.

What is it about having two "R" initials in the middle of your name? (Martin has often been compared to Tolkien.) I read the first book in Martin's epic series, A Game of Thrones, a few years ago. Much darker than the fantasy I was used to, I liked it enough to buy the rest of the books, but at the time wasn't ready to dive into the second book. But this summer's excellent HBO show, Game of Thrones, brought me back to the series, giving me renewed appreciation for the world Martin created and strengthening my affection for his characters. As the first season of Game of Thrones conveniently covered the events of the first book, I'm now perfectly poised to start book 2, A Clash of Kings.

#7 Fahrenheit 451, Ray Bradbury

A totalitarian regime has ordered all books to be destroyed, but one of the book burners suddenly realizes their merit, in a chilling novel of a frightening near-future world.

Sadly, that summary is about all I remember of the book, beyond vague images of scenes and feelings I associate with it. I read this one in high school, and while I appreciated it for being a "great" book, I guess it didn't engross me enough to leave a lasting impression.

#9 Brave New World, Aldous Huxley

Huxley's classic prophetic novel describes the socialized horrors of a futuristic utopia devoid of individual freedom.

I read this one in high school as well, but somehow I felt far more engaged with the dystopian world it imagined and the characters who populated it than with Fahrenheit 451. "Ending is better than mending," "I'm so glad I'm a beta," horror at the idea of someone being a mother... I liked this one but it also disturbed me, which I think is why it has stuck with me so well.

#12 Wheel of Time, Robert Jordan

At 13 volumes and counting, this sweeping — some would say sprawling – richly imagined epic chronicles the struggle between servants of the Dark One and those of the champion of light known as the Dragon Reborn.

I've talked about this series on this blog before (I chose one of its heroines as a Character I'd Like To Be), as it's easily the series for which I've read the greatest number of pages (each book is about 1000 pages in paperback form). My mom somewhat randomly gave me the first in the series, Eye of the World, before one of our trips to Hawaii when I was 15. By the end of our trip, I had finished the third book. While I've taken issue with some of the plot points, and I recognize how the series started dragging on...and on (I don't recall anything happening in book 10, except maybe Mat going shopping for silks--seriously), I still adore this series. I've been immersed in its world so long, seen the characters through so much, I can't help but feel attached. And Jordan did create a beautiful, complex story that is brilliant in its own way. Book 11 really picked up again, and now the end is in sight. Though Jordan passed away, he left enough notes for Brandon Sanderson to finish it up. I'll definitely see it through.

#13 Animal Farm, George Orwell

Farm animals overthrow their human owners and set up their own deeply (and familiarly) flawed government. Orwell's mordant satire of totalitarianism is still a mainstay of ninth-grade reading lists.

This is another one I read in high school that I barely remember. It's not that I didn't like it, I just didn't love it enough for it to stick. Sort of sad realizing how much of my education I've lost. I can't even remember which year I read this one...

#15 Watchmen, Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons

As former members of a disbanded group of superheroes called the Crimebusters start turning up dead, the remaining members of the group try to discover the identity of the murderer before they, too, are killed. A graphic novel.

I'm a geek, I used to watch loads of cartoons based on comics (Batman, Superman, Spider-Man, X-Men, Fantastic Four), and I love comics-based movies, but I'm not actually a comics reader. One week, my Entertainment Weekly had on its cover a collection of people who were clearly superheroes...but I didn't have a clue who they were. Nerd shame! Well, I quickly ordered Watchmen off Amazon and got caught up. This is the one graphic novel I've read, but it's a really, really great one. The movie doesn't do it justice at all. You just have to read it.

#32 Watership Down, Richard Adams

An allegorical tale of survival about a band of wild rabbits who leave their ancestral home to build a more humane society chronicles their adventures as they search for a safe place to establish a new warren where they can live in peace.

My dad regrets not reading Lord of the Rings to me as he did to my brothers when they were young, but he did at least read me Watership Down as a bedtime story. I was seven at the time, and it was the longest book I'd ever encountered. But I loved it: the rabbits, their world--especially the exciting section about Efrafa. Perhaps foreshadowing my future Quenya studies, I pored over the Lapine glossary at the back of the book--hardly a developed language, but fun nonetheless. It was my love of Watership Down that attracted me to the Redwall books three years later, and these were the books that really sucked me into the fantasy genre. So, even if my dad didn't read me LotR, he guided me in the right direction.

#66 The Riftwar Saga, Raymond E. Feist

Evil entities have opened a rift in the fabric of space-time, plunging the world of Medkemia into peril. As the battle between Order and Chaos threatens to engulf everything, reluctant wizard Pug is the only hope of a thousand worlds.

My sophomore year in high school, one of my older brother's friends (a senior, like him) founded a school club he called the Fantasy Reader's Guild. We didn't actually read anything together, it was just an excuse for students to get together and geek out. After they graduated I became the "president" of the club, and following the suggestion of our club's faculty advisor, everyone in the club read Magician (in two parts: Apprentice and Master). In case anyone out there was doubting whether women ever read fantasy books willingly in their book clubs, I'm living proof the answer is yes.

#67 Sword of Shannara Trilogy, Terry Brooks

Over the course of three novels, several generations of the Ohmsford family find themselves retrieving magical artifacts in the desperate hope to fight evil.

This was the next fantasy series I tackled after Redwall, when Sword of Shannara was on my summer reading list going into 9th grade. Sword (the first book in the trilogy) is a blatant ripoff of Lord of the Rings, but Brooks does manage to one-up Tolkien in one way: Sword of Shannara has even fewer women than Lord of the Rings! That said, at the time I was blissfully unaware of the many, many parallels between LotR and Sword (I hadn't read LotR yet) and didn't care about the lack of women. I was just sucked into this exciting, complex world of magic and battles. The second in the trilogy, Elfstones of Shannara, was much more original and--what'd'ya know--featured several important female characters (one of whom went on my list of Characters I'd Like To Be). I am very fond of that book. The third in the trilogy, Wishsong of Shannara, was also good, and different, but Elfstones remains my favorite in the series.

I'd like to note that I've also read parts of two more books on the list:
#46 The Silmarillion, J. R. R. Tolkien
I wrote a paper in college on the story of Beren and Lúthien.

#47 The Once and Future King, T. H. White
I read The Sword in the Stone in seventh grade.


Looking at the NPR list, I realize how much reading I have to do. The Mists of Avalon (#42, Marion Zimmer Bradley) sits on my bookshelf, as does the rest of the Song of Ice and Fire series. I've wanted to read Neil Gaimon and Terry Prachett for years, now. And some day I'll read all of The Silmarillion, I promise!

If you're looking for something to read, this list is a great reference (at least, if you're looking for something sci-fi or fantasy--if you're not, then I doubt you'll have read down to this point in the post ;). And if there's anything else that I should add to my list, let me know!


* To be fair, while I've only read entire books from 11 of the 100 publications listed, by some counts that would come to 28 books encompassed by the list. Not too shabby.

Evangeline Lilly joins The Hobbit cast

Last week, Peter Jackson announced two new cast members for The Hobbit. Barry Humphries will play the Goblin King, who will be a CGI character, and Lost star Evangeline Lilly will play a woodland elf created for the movie named "Tauriel," which Jackson says means "daughter of Mirkwood." (theonering.net)

No. "Tauriel" does not mean "daughter of Mirkwood." It means "daughter of the forest". "Taur" is a generic term for forest, and "-iel" is a generic female name ending, usually translated as "maiden of" or "daughter of". This name is so generic that it's actually the name I made up when I was 17 to use to sign my Quenya poems. (This was before I chose the name "Eleni", which is equally generic but has the advantage of looking like a real-person name.)

Hobbit purists can debate the wisdom of adding yet another character who wasn't in the original book. I will reserve judgment until I see the film; Peter Jackson has earned my trust. And I don't really mind made up characters getting generic names easily constructed from a few minutes with an English-to-Elvish glossary (for example, the one in this book). But at least be honest and translate the name correctly. Claiming "Tauriel" means something more specific than it does comes off as pretentious. "Mirkwood", by the way, would be "Taur e-Ndaedelos". Hmm, "Tauriel e-Ndaedelos"... I guess that's a bit of a mouthful.


P.S. The second thing that went through my mind upon hearing this news, after my disdain over the name "Tauriel", was "Lord of the Rings--Dominic Monaghan--Lost--Evangeline Lilly--The Hobbit--squeeee!"

Galadriel in The Hobbit, and more Game of Thrones

Cate Blanchett has signed on to reprise her Lord of the Rings role as Galadriel in the two planned Hobbit movies (EW, Variety). This is somewhat of a surprise since, unlike Gollum and Gandalf, Galadriel does not appear in The Hobbit book. We are left to suppose that because The Hobbit has virtually no female characters, Galadriel is being pulled in to offer a little bit of variety. We'll have to wait to see what part Galadriel will play in the story.

Next, I just watched this awesome video on HBO's adaptation of George R. R. Martin's Game of Thrones. If you're a fan of the series, you have to take a look. If you're unfamiliar with the series, you have to take a look.

Inside Game of Thrones

Before this I'd seen only photos from the set, so this has me unbelievably excited. We at least get glimpses of the Stark children (and widdle wolf puppies!), as well as a good look at Ned Stark (looks...like...Boromir), Robert Baratheon, Cersei (her blondness didn't bother me as much as it had in the photo), Tyrion, Jaime Lannister (so handsome), Jon Snow, and Daenerys. I'm still a little unsure about how old Emilia Clarke, the actress playing Daenerys, looks (though she does look good), but still I think I was most intrigued by the footage of her part of the story. It's all going to be awesome.

The TV series will premiere on HBO in April 2011. It looks like they're doing an amazing job. I can't wait.

The Hobbit will shoot in New Zealand

Sighs of relief everywhere:
After days of negotiations between New Zealand Prime Minister John Key and Warner Bros. executives, it has finally been decided that the two Hobbit movies will be filmed in New Zealand (Variety). After a dispute and boycott (which has now been lifted) from an Australia-based New Zealand actors union, the studio says it lost confidence in the work climate of the country and considered moving it elsewhere. But now it's finally all settled, and Middle Earth will remain in New Zealand where all three Lord of the Rings movies were shot.

Peter Jackson is set to direct the movies, Martin Freeman has been cast as Bilbo Baggins, and Richard Armitage (the very attractive Sir Guy of Gisborne from BBC's Robin Hood) will play Thorin Oakenshield.

New Zealand was such a perfect and beautiful location for the Lord of the Rings movies, it would have been a real shame to take the Hobbit movies somewhere else. I'm very much looking forward to seeing Hobbiton again. I can't wait.

Playing with the new camera: On the beach, little things

On the beach at Haleiwa ("hah-leh-EE-vah"), I didn't just take scenic photos. Gotta appreciate the little things, too.

A bit of coral on the beach. Testing out my camera's macro capabilities.


An underwater shot of a bunch of different types of algae, just off shore


Little snails hide out to avoid dessication in the intertidal zone.


My mom said this looked like a mini-Mordor. And she wonders how I turned out to be such a geek.


I pressed a half shell into my finger. I guess I had nothing better to do.


Again, I was sitting on the beach with nothing better to do. But that piece of coral that looks like his head was really cool. How could I not put something like this together?


I'll have some sunset-on-the-beach photos on Friday.

It happens sometimes when you're a geek...

So today I happened to do a Google Image search for

namarie tengwar

"Namárie", of course, is the Quenya (Tolkien's "high Elvish" language) word for "farewell", but more importantly in this case it is a commonly used title for a poem that Galadriel says in The Fellowship of the Ring. Tengwar is the Elvish script invented by Tolkien. Basically, I was looking for an image of the poem written in tengwar. Because that's what I do sometimes.

The top result for this search was from Wikimedia Commons. That page also happens to be the top hit for a regular (web) Google search of the same terms. The second top result and several other top hits use this same image. However, I was shocked to find that this image--the first, seemingly most authoritative one someone would find when looking for "Namárie" written in tengwar--has an egregious error! It is missing an entire word!

I am loathe to reproduce it, but for the sake of education I will put it here.

Bad example from Wikimedia Commons. DO NOT USE THIS ONE!


You see it, right? Appalling! I mean,

Shall I compare thee to a Summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of,
And Summer's lease hath all too short a date...

Seriously! OK, for those of you who don't see it (our minds do tend to fill in missing words we know should be there, right?), it's missing the word "lumbule", or "shadow", at the end of what appears to be the shortest line in the poem (but it shouldn't be! It should have lumbule there!). It makes me so mad that this is the top search result. It must be fixed!

Luckily, the third hit for my search yielded this lovely image by Danny Andries that does not omit any words (you can see "lumbule" at the beginning of the line just above the center point of the first yellow leaf on the left):


Very pretty. Though he does make a few stylistic "corrections", such as writing "sindanóriello" and "hísie" with súle insted of silme, which is kind of snobby, going into way more technical detail than I would be interested in myself. Man, what a geek.


If you need a refresher, the non-tengwar text of the poem and its translation can be found here.

Hobbit troubles, Sir Patrick, and a funny video

A couple recent news items...

There is turmoil in Middle Earth as Guillermo del Toro over the weekend stepped down as director of the two planned Hobbit movies, prequels to the hugely successful Lord of the Rings trilogy. He will remain one of the writers, along with Peter Jackson, Fran Walsh, and Philippa Boyens of the LotR trilogy. MGM's troubles are largely to blame for this; the studio, which shares financing rights to The Hobbit, has been trying to find a buyer since November, and its inability to do so thus far has put The Hobbit as well as other projects including the next James Bond film on hold. Because MGM is still in limbo, it hasn't been able to give an official green light to The Hobbit, and thus a start date for filming and a budget have yet to be set. Del Toro explained his decision in a statement: "In light of ongoing delays in the setting of a start date for filming The Hobbit, I am faced with the hardest decision of my life. After nearly two years of living, breathing and designing a world as rich as Tolkien's Middle Earth, I must, with great regret, take leave from helming these wonderful pictures." (Variety)

I am very saddened by this news. I thought del Toro would have been a great director for The Hobbit. And I can imagine how hard it must be for him. He was willing to commit three years to living in New Zealand working solely on this project. He had already worked on it for two years (he signed on in April 2008), designing sets and costumes and planning battle sequences, etc. And now, considering that it may instead take six years, he feels he has to walk away. That's rough.

There is, however, a small possibility that Peter Jackson will end up directing. He obviously cares a lot about the project and might be willing to direct if necessary. "If that's what I have to do to protect Warner Bros.' investment, then obviously that's one angle which I'll explore." He does have other projects, though, that might prevent him from directing. (Variety) Hopefully it will all work out. I'm looking forward to seeing Gandalf and Gollum on screen again.


On a lighter note, Patrick Stewart was knighted today by Queen Elizabeth II at Buckingham Palace. Sir Patrick Stewart. Though I know and love him as Jean-Luc Picard in Star Trek: The Next Generation as well as Charles Xavier in the X-Men movies (playing opposite another knight, Sir Ian McKellen), I know that he has long been a key member of the Royal Shakespeare Company. I'd love to see him on stage. Ever gracious and admirable, he said of his knighting, "It was an unlooked-for honor but as I grew up as a child, falling in love with the theatre and Shakespeare, my heroes were Sir Laurence Olivier, Sir John Gielgud, Sir Alec Guinness. The knights of the theater represented to me not only the pinnacle of the profession but the esteem in which the profession was held. And now to find myself, to my astonishment, in that company is the grandest thing that has professionally happened to me." (E! Online) A toast to Sir Patrick.


And now an amusing video:
Retro games destroy NYC

Geek Girls Unite! blog award

I know I just posted about my first blog award, but I've actually just been given a second blog award. It's the Geek Girls Unite award from RAY J at Point Me to the Sky Above, an awesome geek girl who I only recently discovered as she was doing a giveaway on her blog to celebrate five years of World of Warcraft playing (a real veteran!). As a proud geek girl, I am very honored! The award was just created by Angela of High on Life, another geek girl I recently found--see, we geek girls are uniting!

And here are the rules:

List ten geeky facts about yourself and...

Pass this award onto your favorite female geeks!

Now my geeky facts. Some of these I've talked about on my blog before (one of my blog's themes is celebrating my geekiness, after all) but some are new little geeky gems!

1. I didn't start loving to read until I read Brian Jacques' Redwall series about woodland animals who (mostly) live in an abbey and take up swords and slings and bows and arrows when their peace is threatened by cruel invaders. It was my invaluable introduction to fantasy.
2. I've always enjoyed math and science. Now I'm working towards a PhD in physical oceanography (i.e., the physics of the ocean). Field work is all well and good, but what I really like is modeling--and I don't mean strutting down the runway. Computer programming is fun!
3. I can speak a little bit of Quenya (one of Tolkien's Elvish languages). Not much, but more than just direct quotes from Lord of the Rings; I know some grammar and a small vocabulary and can make my own sentences. What's more, I learned it for a self-tailored high school project which culminated in a presentation to my class. (All the gory details can be found here.) And I can write in the tengwar script.
4. Of course, my high school classmates already knew I was a geek. I was the president of my high school's Fantasy Reader's Guild. I even got our guild's picture in the local newspaper as we stood in line, in costume, waiting to see Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers.
5. I love musicals and I love memorizing songs from musicals. I can sing from memory all or most of the songs from Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, The Lion King, Pocahontas, Mulan, Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, Into the Woods, Wicked, Avenue Q, Guys and Dolls...
6. I'm a huge fan of Firefly, among many other sci-fi- and fantasy-related TV shows. In college, I got a bunch of friends hooked on Firefly, and when we watched the movie Serenity, I threw a theme party with Chinese food, ice-planets, and costumes. (I did a post on that one here.)
7. In my Ivy League civil engineering course called Mechanics of Solids, I did my term paper on The Bridge of Khazad-dûm: A structural analysis of a bridge of Dwarven engineering (that is, the bridge that Gandalf and the fiery Balrog fall off of in LotR). I got an A+. (Find the full story here.)
8. Up until I was 24 years old, the only boyfriends I'd ever had were non-player characters in my computer games: Baldur's Gate, Neverwinter Nights 1 and 2, Knights of the Old Republic, and Mass Effect. (Get the juicy details here.)
9. Once I did get boyfriend, I proceeded to geekify him. So far we've covered Firefly, Battlestar Galactica, Dr. Horrible, Fringe, and The Guild, and our current projects are Big Bang Theory and Pushing Daisies.
10. Last but not least, what has been until now a closely guarded secret: When I was in 9th grade, I was in a youth bowling league. Not geeky enough? We named our team the Rolling Voltorbs. Yes, a voltorb is a Pokémon. Shaped like a ball. We were clever.


Now, I bestow this noble award upon these lovely geek girls:

Hezabelle - A Canadian studying towards a master's degree in the U.K. and enjoying her travels in Europe, she knows a lot about Greek history and mythology. She's also the only other girl I know who says she knows a tiny bit of Elvish.

Holly of Sorcery and Glue - Another girl who shares my love of BioWare games, she makes awesome costumes related to her favorite geeky things. Current projects: Mass Effect N7 armor and a Grunt costume with animatronic head!

Megan of Hollywood Jane - A fantasy and sci-fi fan and Joss Whedon lover trying to make it as a writer in L.A. She has a funny web series called "Quest for Comic-Con."

Geek Girl Diva - She keeps us geek girls updated on news to make us squee and geeky merchandise to make us drool.

Mary Janes, The Hobbit, Mars, and a new NWN MMO

Time for an update on entertainment news that has piqued my interest...

It has been confirmed that Kirsten Dunst will in fact be returning to the role of Mary Jane in Spider-Man 4 (IMDb). Tobey Maguire had already agreed to return for a fourth and fifth installment of the blockbuster franchise, but director Sam Raimi had said Dunst was reluctant to sign on for the threequel sequels. They are still looking for the perfect villain, with producer Todd Black saying "Trust me - people will appreciate who we pick, because it'll be a big part of New York." I'm not sure what that's supposed to mean... the villain will be the Empire State Building? Anyway, the third Spider-Man movie was a tad disappointing, so I hope they can pick it back up and make the fourth one good again.

Speaking of Spider-Man, we mustn't forget about Spider-Man: The Musical (more properly called Spider Man, Turn Off the Dark). Turns out that Evan Rachel Wood is going to star as Mary Jane in the stage musical, after all (IMDb). First there were substantial rumors that Wood (who worked with Spider-Man: The Musical's director Julie Taymor in the movie musical Across the Universe) had been cast, then Taymor denied this saying that she was still working on casting MJ, and now this. Apparently Peter Parker has yet to be cast.

Everyone kind of already assumed that this would happen, but Hugo Weaving, Andy Serkis, and Ian McKellen have all been confirmed for the cast of The Hobbit, reprising their roles as Elrond, Gollum, and Gandalf, respectively (IMDb). We are still awaiting to hear who will play the titular hobbit Bilbo himself (Ian Holm, who played Bilbo in the Lord of the Rings movie trilogy, is too old to come back for the younger prequel role, unlike the other three whose ageless or semi-ageless roles let them get away with it). Here's hoping director Guillermo del Toro finds someone great. I'm a bit anxious waiting.

Wolverine stars Taylor Kitsch (Gambit) and Lynn Collins (Kayla Silverfox) are both set to star in Walt Disney Pictures' John Carter of Mars, a fantasy epic based on the Edgar Rice Burroughs series that began with the novel "The Princess of Mars" in 1911 (Variety). Wall-E writer-director Andrew Stanton will be directing the film as his first live-action pic. The story is about a damaged Civil War veteran named John Carter (Kitsch) who is mysteriously transported to Mars where his interactions with the warring races of the dying planet, which presumably include meeting the Princess of Mars (Collins), help him to rediscover his humanity. I don't know what to think of the casting (I actually haven't seen the Wolverine movie yet), but I have great respect for Stanton (I loved Wall-E) and the period-piece-meets-sci-fi-epic aspect of the project is very intriguing. I'll be watching for this one.

Lastly, in gaming news, recent Atari acquisition Cryptic Studios is working on developing an MMO for Atari property Neverwinter Nights (Variety blog). This is really big news for me. For those who don't know, Cryptic Studios is the company behind (among other games) Champions Online, the game currently in its beta testing stage that recently became the first MMO I had ever played. Neverwinter Nights is a Dungeons & Dragons-based Forgotten Realms-set series of computer RPGs. I played through the single-player campaigns of NWN and its two official expansions as well as NWN2 and one of its expansions. But one of the most distinctive features of the Neverwinter Nights series, which I never took advantage of, was the multiplayer component that allowed players to design their own missions in their own persistent worlds--essentially hosting their own mini-MMOs (would these be called "not-so-massively multiplayer online" games or something?). Anyway, there were plenty of people who did take advantage of this feature, making NWN quite a popular success. The news that a proven MMO developer is planning to create an MMO for Neverwinter Nights is intriguing indeed, though they have a tough road ahead of them, since even MMOs based on strong franchises sometimes fail to catch on. Word is they are hoping for a 2011 release... 'round 'bout the time that BioWare is planning to release The Old Republic (more history for those who aren't gamer geeks: BioWare, which developed the original NWN but not the sequel, will not be involved in the NWN MMO). I'd say I see conflict ahead, but I'm already fairly certain I'd pick TOR if forced to choose. But there's time. We'll see how the NWN MMO develops.

Turtles, Wolverine, Real-world Hobbits and more!

It's been a long time since my last post on entertainment news that I found fun and interesting. Let's see what has happened since then...

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles celebrated their 25th birthday at the Tribeca Film Festival in New York City on April 23 (Variety, IMDb). Fans celebrated the Ninja Turtles with special events including a screening of the original Ninja Turtle movie, and the Empire State Building was even lit up "turtle green" for the day. The event coincided with the news that the franchise would be brought back for a new live action movie probably around 2011. Ah, the childhood memories. My brothers and I were fans growing up, collecting various action figures including one that talked if you pulled a red strip of plastic through its shell (wow, that seems so primitive now). One of my parents' favorite baby stories is how my little brother used to call "pizza" "bunga nummins", which was baby brother speak for "Ninja Turtle food" (work with me here--"bunga" as in "Cowabunga!", and "nummins" as in the noun form of "num, num, num" which is obviously what you say when you're eating). I can't say I've really kept up with them--I didn't see the 2007 TMNT movie--but the '80s/'90s child in me is happy to hear they're still around.

Tracking the future of "my shows"... ABC has picked up Lost for another season, though this was already assumed since they made a deal before Season 4 to end the show at the end of Season 6 (next season). Castle, starring Nathan Fillion, is still on the bubble (Variety). Fox gave an early pickup for another season of Fringe (Variety). I already reported that Sarah Connor hadn't been renewed, and I have yet to hear a decision about Dollhouse. The Big Bang Theory and How I Met Your Mother, my two CBS sitcoms, will both be returning in the fall. NBC renewed Heroes, though it has fallen far from its lofty first season status. Chuck remains on the bubble. More decisions may be made in the next week or so. I love my shows, and I don't want any of them cancelled, but as you might have seen when I listed everything that I watch, my schedule is pretty full. It might be healthy for me if a few more were cancelled.

I've mentioned Gore Verbinski's planned live-action movie adaptation of BioShock a couple times (actually it made an appearance in what was basically my blog's first real post). The project has been put on hold, a victim of the bad economy (Variety, IMDb). Apparently, once the budget passed $160 million, executives at Universal Pictures halted production and let some production team members go. Verbinski is looking for ways to cut the budget, including a possible location move to London. The IMDb short mentions that Wentworth Miller, one of the two stars of Prison Break, is rumored to be starring in the movie. I like him. (I bought Mariah Carey's music video of "We Belong Together" on iTunes because he plays the boy with whom she belongs. Yes.) If this movie will bring him to the big screen, then I wholly support it. Save the BioShock movie!

Word on the boulevard is that Guy Ritchie, known for directing gangster/crime films such as Snatch and the upcoming Downey/Law Sherlock Holmes, is planning on directing a musical (IMDb). But you know what makes this even better? He's in talks to do this musical with B-action king Jason Statham (who did Snatch with Ritchie back in the day and has since done The Transporter, Crank, Death Race, The Bank Job, The Italian Job, etc.). Oh boy. We'll see if anything comes of this.

This was tagged on IMDb last week: The Biology of B-Movie Monsters. Mostly it analyzes the problems that unnaturally large or small creatures/people would face that are not recognized by the movies that feature them. It is so awesome. My Bridge of Khazad-dûm paper just can't measure up. No pun intended. Luckily, I think my Balrog is exempt from most of the criticisms presented in the article, seeing as it's a magical monster made out of molten rock.

I mentioned that ABC had greenlit a pilot for a new sci-fi TV series called "V", based on the original 1980s miniseries. But now I have heard that Alan Tudyk (aka Wash of Firefly) is starring in it! In a recent interview with Alan Tudyk, Entertainment Weekly's Michael Ausiello mentioned in one question "I'm assuming your role in ABC's V reboot--assuming that it gets picked up--could pose a complication...." (EW.com, but WARNING: Dollhouse SPOILERS from the 5/1/09 episode immediately once you get there). I love Alan Tudyk (Fun Fact: I saw him on Broadway in Spamalot). He's awesome. My interest in the show "V" is definitely greater knowing he's in it.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine is barely out in theaters, and they're already planning for another Wolverine sequel (Variety, IMDb). I have not seen the new Wolverine yet because I heard it is disappointing (if one of my friends wanted to see it, I'd go, but I won't try to convince anyone to see it with me if it's going to be bad). I probably will see it at some point, since I like X-Men and I like Hugh Jackman (Fun Fact: I saw him on Broadway in The Boy from Oz). But if this one wasn't very good, I don't have high hopes for the quality of its sequel. The news doesn't stop with Wolverine. Twentieth Century Fox is planning another spinoff movie focusing on Deadpool, aka Wade Wilson, played by Ryan Reynolds in X-Men Origins: Wolverine (Variety, IMDb). I gotta say, he is easy on the eyes, and the bit from the trailer in which he slices a bullet coming towards him in half and the two halves hit the attackers behind him was pretty sweet. But I really have my doubts about how good that one will turn out. A spinoff of a bad spinoff? Doesn't exactly inspire confidence.

How about a bit of real-world news? Has anyone heard about what are being called the Indonesian "Hobbit" people? Scientists discovered skeletons of 3 foot tall, 65 pound humans on the Indonesian island of Flores back in 2004, but they have recently concluded that this is a new species of human, rather than some variation of previous species (BBC News). I love that they're being called "Hobbits," though apparently their feet are not as big as the Hobbits of Middle Earth. A shame.

Lastly, critical consensus seems to indicate that the new Star Trek movie will be totally awesome! See compilations of reviews here, here, and here. It opens on Friday, May 8 (tomorrow), though some theaters will not only have midnight screenings but various screenings earlier this evening. It probably won't do as well as Wolverine did last week because the franchise hasn't had the recent blockbuster success that X-Men had (basically, Star Trek isn't tracking as well among younger people, since it's staler in people's minds). But it's undoubtedly a better movie, and it should do better at the box office. So go out and see it. Get your friends to see it. Support Star Trek!

Response to Sebastian's discussion of monotheism

Religion is not a topic I've really discussed in my blog before. It's a hairy issue that I usually don't feel like bringing up but am generally willing to debate if the topic arises. This post is solely a reply to a post that Sebastian made in his blog that presents a respectful criticism of religion, particularly monotheism (read it here). I was going to respond simply in a comment on the post, but when I passed the 1000 words mark, I thought I'd keep it out of the otherwise concise comments and just make a response post here. It's really only a response and not an essay itself, though. I didn't format it in a logical way or provide full explanations of what I'm talking about, so you have to read his post to understand some of what I'm arguing.

Response to Sebastian's "One God to rule them all… and in the darkness bind them":

Oh boy. You couldn't pick a simple topic, could you? Let me start by saying that I'm agnostic, so the only thing I feel strongly about in regards to religion is that we don't know anything. When someone makes an argument either way, my tendency is to play devil's advocate... or, I guess, God's (or gods'... I won't be exclusive) advocate. So this response is supposed to be a scholarly criticism of your arguments, not an attack on your ideas. That said, I have not studied religion or history very extensively (I'm a scientist by trade), so in some cases I may question but not know enough to criticize your argument.

You said that our urge to attribute *everything* to some higher power makes us susceptible to religion in general, and monotheism in particular. Why monotheism in particular? I'd think that it would be easier to explain *everything* by having different gods to explain *everything*. For example, if there's a god of peace, why would that god allow wars to happen? Well, because there's an opposing goddess of war who sometimes dominates. A god of everything--including both war and peace--seems awfully fickle. Now, you can probably produce an argument to explain why monotheism explains *everything* better than polytheism does, but it is not so obvious that you should lightly make that claim without a defense.

So I'm guessing that you assume that lions don't believe in a higher power (though they do believe that the great kings of the past look down from the stars), and thus they don't feel the need to be humble. You ask if lions don't, why must humans? There are a lot of things that humans think about and feel that lions don't. The intelligence and emotions of various animals themselves spawn heated debates, and I don't want to get into it, but let's just say for the sake of this argument that empathy, true altruism, planning for the future, communicating history, and morality are uniquely human (I don't really believe all of that, but there are some that do). Why then is it so strange that humility would be another uniquely human trait? Perhaps pride is a virtue in lion... uh... prides (sorry, I had to do it), but humility I think serves a valuable function in the large cooperative societies that humans live in. I mean, how much do people hate a braggart? We have trouble working together when a member of our group is really full of themselves. No, we don't necessarily have to attribute things to God, but if that helps us be humble and thus get along together, then it's not all bad or unreasonable.

"It might be argued that religion has killed more people over the past 2000 years than it has saved."
1) You're picking on Christianity there (at least, it's the only major religion I know of that started around 2000 years ago). Why? Did religion not kill people before that?
2) "It might be argued" is pretty weak language. How might this be argued? Are there people who have made this argument with a comprehensive presentation of convincing numbers? Maybe there is. Maybe you should provide references. Without references, I'm doubtful. While there are a number of prominent wars and mass killings that can be blamed on religion, they might have been committed for other reasons if religion hadn't existed, plus it is hard to measure the many small instances where people have been saved because of religion (e.g., a poor person not starving thanks to donations from the church).

Here my lack of historical knowledge fails me, but was monotheism really necessary for trading? Did they really not trade during ancient Greek and Roman times? And did China have to take up Christianity before the West would trade with them? I don't remember this from history class. You imply that somehow it makes sense that people had an easier time trusting traders who believed in their vengeful, monotheistic god. But why couldn't people just all swear on some god of trade or commerce, like Waukeen--uh, I mean, Hermes?

Furthermore, was polytheism really just about explaining things? And was only monotheism about controlling people? There are many types of polytheism and monotheism, of course, so it's hard to make generalizations (all generalizations are false). Maybe there are some brands of polytheism that are just "god of trees makes the trees grow" etc., and some kinds of monotheism that are just about telling people how to act. But though my knowledge of religion is pretty weak, I think there are polytheistic religions that tell people how to live their lives. Maybe Hinduism and its link to the caste system? I don't really know enough to give a good example, but I'm sure one exists. So maybe Hinduism and Greek and Roman polytheism didn't have the definitive texts that Judaism, Christianity, and Islam have. But is it just a kind of coincidence that Judaism started out with a prominent text of comprehensive laws, and Christianity and Islam, which built upon Judaism, followed suit with their own texts? If the only three monotheistic religions we know enough about to bring into our discussion (that is, unless you're considering other unrelated monotheistic religions as well?) are related to each other, can we really attribute any trend to monotheism? Do you think there is something about polytheism that makes it less suited to controlling people than monotheism?

Basically, you're singling out monotheism here, but I'm not sure I've seen enough evidence to support you. Was polytheism really less dangerous than monotheism?

You talk about how humans wrote religious doctrines, trying to pass their ideas off as God's. I'm totally with you there. Drives me crazy when people trust "God's word" without question. That said, not everyone who believes in god or considers themselves to be religious blindly follows religious doctrine. You know this, obviously, but it's important to acknowledge the limited applicability of some of your statements.

A couple things not in your actual post, but in the comments that followed...

On prayer: Ambles already beat me to most of this, but... If a loved one dies, chocolate may not cut it. You might need to talk to someone about it. Therapists make tons of money for asking, "And why do you feel that way?" with the assumption that just talking about your worries and thinking about their sources can help. Maybe prayer is a kind of therapy, a way to talk and think about your problems or priorities. And God doesn't charge by the hour. There are different definitions of meditation, but assuming it means self-psychotherapy, then sure, this could also serve the same function. But sometimes, some people just need someone to talk to, whether it be a therapist, God, or... a girlfriend. And going along these lines, can you really fault someone who has just lost a loved one for hoping that there is some way that they might talk with that person again, or see them again in an afterlife?

If looking to a higher power is "programmed into us genetically," is it really irrational? If God programmed us, then sure it could be, but if we evolved it, maybe it served some function and isn't totally irrational. I guess a virus could have inserted the religion gene it into our ancient ancestors' DNA or something.

I'll just conclude my extensive comment with a question. When did we stop needing religion? I think you implied in your argument, and I tend to agree, that in past times, religion was a benefit to society. But today, you argue (I may agree but am kind of neutral on this--it's complicated) that we don't need religion. When did this change occur? And why? I guess in the past, people needed religion to teach them moral living. When did we develop morals for the sake of morals rather than for the sake of not angering the gods? Did we just wake up one day? Or were there always some people who didn't need religion to act morally (and the definition of "moral" is of course ambiguous and another entire debate), and some time in the last century or something we crossed some critical threshold (like, 75%) of people who fit this description, so we don't need religion anymore? Just a thought.

Sorry I've said so much. You make an interesting case, much of which I agree with, contrary to how it might appear. It's just a debate that I enjoy, unless it stops being scholarly and turns mean and winds up hurting people as it does in some venues, but I don't expect it to on your blog (or mine, for that matter). Now... discuss.

Top 10 Characters I Want to Be

It seems like bloggers and columnists and other people who like to hear themselves talk (write) love to make lists. "Top 10 ___" lists and such. I managed to scrape together a Best and Worst 8 of '08 list, but generally, I am not well enough informed in any media to feel comfortable attempting "10 Best" lists--how the hell would I know what the best of anything is? I can, however, give lists of my personal favorites. So here I give you my Top 10 list of characters I want to be.

First, I'd like to establish the rules that I used when assembling this list. The characters can be from any medium, and they must all be fictional. In the case of video games, where a certain character may be different depending on how the player creates the character (good/evil, female/male, mage/fighter, etc.), I will consider the character as I imagined her. I will not take into account the relations that a character has; that is, if the best justification I have for including someone is "because she gets to sleep with ___", that person is getting knocked off the list (if I didn't do this, I might as well just make a "10 characters I'd get in bed with" list). This list is not merely a list of my favorite characters, though. Great characters are not always enviable. River Tam, for example, is pure awesomeness, but her brain was all experimented on and she's a bit crazy. Kara Thrace is one of the coolest characters on TV, but she lives under pretty bleak circumstances and may even be the harbinger of doom. I would not particularly want to be either of them. That said, this does not mean that I completely rule out people to whom bad things happen. As you'll see, not everyone on this list lives a rosy life.

A note: As it turns out, all the characters I have chosen are female (or can be female in the case of games). I didn't really do this on purpose. I guess I have an easier time imagining myself as a woman because I am one. Also, you'll notice that practically all of the characters are from the fantasy or sci-fi genres, which was not a requirement, but it makes sense. Why would I want to be anywhere else?

SPOILERS: I keep out the KotOR and Elfstones spoilers (some things are sacred), but things that are more commonly known or less likely to upset I may reveal, e.g., Eowyn kills the Witch-king (if that's news to you, why on Middle-earth have you not read or seen Return of the King yet?!).

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Top 10 Characters I Want to Be

10. Kaylee Frye

Source: Firefly (TV show) and Serenity (movie)
Who is she: The real genius mechanic on Serenity, Kaylee is the heart of the crew, charming all with her cheerful attitude and teddy bear overalls.
Talents: She has an innate skill with spaceship mechanics--machines just "talk" to her.
Companions: Kaylee lives on Serenity with the rest of the crew: Mal, Zoe, Jayne, Wash, Inara, Book, Simon, and River.
Nemesis: She's so lovable and loving, who could possibly be her nemesis?
Admirer: Simon, the cute but awkward fugitive doctor on board, keeps getting close, but then he goes and says all the wrong things. Again.
Why I'd be her: She lives on a spaceship, has an indispensable talent, gets to take part in the escapades of Serenity's crew, and always manages to look on the bright side of life. It's a simple existence, but it's a nice one.

9. Fa Mulan
*
Source: Mulan (Disney movie)
Who is she: When her crippled father is called to join China's army against the Huns because he has no son to go in his stead, Mulan disguises herself as his son and takes his place. She eventually proves herself by saving the emperor himself from Shan-Yu.
Talents: She's armed with head-strong ambition, ingenuity, luck, some newly acquired fighting skills, and a beautiful singing voice just like Lea Salonga's.
Companions: Cri-Kee the lucky cricket and Mushu the mini-dragon come along to help her out.
Nemesis: She faces off with Hun leader Shan-Yu, as well as society's oppression of women.
Admirer: Mulan develops a thing for her handsome commanding officer Shang, and he returns those feelings once he comes to terms with the fact that she's a woman.
Why I'd be her: You ever feel like you're trapped, like you're not living you're own life, and you just wish you could follow your heart? Well, that's how Mulan felt, but she managed to find herself, break down the barriers placed in front of her by society, and become a national hero. Who wouldn't want such a happy Disney ending?
*I actually recently cut my own hair to shoulder length, donating the 13 inches that I cut off. Though sadly, I didn't use a sword.

8. Egwene al'Vere

Source: Wheel of Time (books by Robert Jordan)
Who is she: She grew up in the quiet, rural Two Rivers, but when Moiraine, a member of the influential order of female magic users called Aes Sedai, comes to town, Egwene is quickly swept up into the quagmire of dire circumstances involving the impending escape of the Dark One from his age-old prison. Her path leads her to become one of the most powerful Aes Sedai and to even make a claim for the Amyrlin Seat, the highest position of the Aes Sedai.
Talents: Not only is she one of the strongest living wielders of the magic of saidar, she is also multi-Talented with a capital "T"--she's the first Aes Sedai Dreamer in about five hundred years, and she has rediscovered the art of crafting the unbreakable cuendillar.
Companions: It's been a long road with many companions, but ones that merit special mention include childhood friend and Dragon Reborn Rand al'Thor, heir to Andor's throne Elayne, fellow Two Rivers villager-turned Aes Sedai Nynaeve, and Aviendha of the Aiel.
Nemesis: In addition to the baddies that every non-Darkfriend faces, such as the Forsaken and the Dark One himself, her particular adversary would be rival Amyrlin Elaida.
Admirer: Elayne's older brother Gawyn is in love with Egwene, but he unintentionally ends up on the wrong side of her power struggle with Elaida.
Why I'd be her: She goes from plain rural girl in a tiny village to one of the most powerful people in the world. She's come a long way, and with her smarts, skill, and determination, she just might succeed in the role she must play to save the world from the Dark One.

7. KotOR protagonist

Source: Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic (computer game)
Who is she: A new recruit in the forces of the Republic, the KotOR protagonist survives the attack on the Endire Spire, rescues the Jedi Bastila, becomes a Jedi padawan, and saves the galaxy from Darth Malak and his Sith followers.
Talents: The Force is strong with this one.
Companions: Over the course of the game, she gains nine companions: Bastila Shan, Captain Carth Onassi, Mission Vao, Zaalbar, Jolee Bindo, Juhani, Canderous Ordo, T3-M4, and HK-47.
Nemesis: Darth Malak, the new leader of the Sith, is her main adversary.
Admirer: Carth Onassi has some serious baggage, but he comes to love her in the end.
Why I'd be her: Whatever her past, she can find redemption in saving the galaxy. I think I read a lot more into her character than was provided in the game--her psychology, her philosophical crises--but she is one of the most fascinating characters whose heads I've gotten into. I don't know how her story ends, but until The Old Republic MMO comes out and smashes my dreams (and probably writes her as the male she is in canon--humph!) I can imagine whatever sappy, happy ending I like.

6. Éowyn

Source: The Lord of the Rings (books by J.R.R. Tolkien, and movie adaptations)
Who is she: A shield maiden of Rohan and niece of Rohan's king, Éowyn defeats leading Sauron pawn the Witch-king whom it is said no man can kill. After all, she is no man.
Talents: She's got some pretty mean sword skills, plus immense determination.
Companions: The Hobbit Merry accompanies her from Rohan to the Battle of Pelennor Fields and is a crucial part of her victory against the Witch-king.
Nemesis: The Witch-king of Angmar, Lord of the Nazgûl, faces off with her in an epic battle.
Admirer: Faramir, a captain and son of the Steward of Gondor, meets her as she is recovering from the battle, and they soon fall in love.
Why I'd be her: She has some rough years there; she experiences great tragedy and strife, she is neglected for being a woman though she yearns to prove herself, and she is rejected by the ever attractive Aragorn. But she overcomes the obstacles before her, proves herself by defeating a foe that no one else could defeat, and lives happily in Ithilien with Faramir till the end of her days.

5. Amberle Elessedil

Source: The Elfstones of Shannara (book by Terry Brooks)
Who is she: When the Ellcrys, the sentient tree that prevents the Demons from invading the world, senses that it is dying, it chooses Amberle, granddaughter of Elven king Eventine Elessedil, as the one person who can restore it.
Talents: While the Ellcrys picks her as the first female Chosen in about five hundred years, this does not grant her any obvious special abilities... beyond the mere fact that she is the only one who can save the world.
Companions: Part-elven, blue Elfstone wielder Wil Ohmsford, Elven Hunter Crispin, and the Rover Eretria all accompany her at some point in her quest to restore the Ellcrys.
Nemeses: She faces Demons in general, as well as her inner demons--doubt and fear.
Admirer: Wil Ohmsford develops feelings for her as he protects her on her quest.
Why I'd be her: Her life wasn't an easy one, and it didn't end with the classic fairytale ending. But she came through and selflessly completed her task to save the world. She is the reason that Elfstones, rather than the earlier and more famous Sword of Shannara, is the right choice for the first Shannara movie.

4. Sydney Bristow

Source: Alias (TV show)
Who is she: A CIA secret agent and sometimes double agent, Sydney brings down countless destructive plots of evil organizations, kicking butts as well as saving butts in countless disguises.
Talents: She speaks basically every language fluently with a native accent, has super butt-kicking skills, can talk or fight herself out of any hairy situation, and, speaking of hair, she looks great in wigs of all styles and colors.
Companions: She works closely with her father Jack, who is also a double agent, her CIA handler Michael Vaughn, and her partner Dixon.
Nemesis: At least for the two seasons I saw, it was Arvin Sloane who was the object of all her loathing.
Admirer: Sydney had a serious thing for Michael Vaughn.
Why I'd be her: She's TV's coolest secret agent, a master of every skill a CIA agent could want. She is also a genuinely warm, fun, likable person. Hate to say it, but Olivia Dunham just can't hold a candle. Of course, I only saw the first two of the five seasons of Alias, so I don't know what happened to Sydney in the later seasons, but, assuming that she continued to win her battles in the end, she deserves a high spot on my list.

3. Commander Shepard

Source: Mass Effect (computer game)
Who is she: Already a hero of the human Alliance, Shepard becomes the first human Spectre, the Spectres being a group of elite operatives that directly serve the Council, the alien leaders of the known galaxy. Her first task as a Spectre is to bring down rogue Spectre Saren, and in so doing she discovers there are even greater dangers from which she must save the galaxy.
Talents: Shepard possesses keen survival skills, military prowess, and the player's choice of skills including usage of biotics, techs, or assault rifles.
Companions: Joining her on her mission to catch Saren are Lieutenant Kaiden Alenko, Chief Ashley Williams, and alien pals Garrus, Wrex, Tali, and Liara.
Nemesis: Her archenemy is Saren (along with his scary big spaceship).
Admirer: Shepard is greatly admired by Kaiden... and Liara as well, but sorry, the feeling is not mutual there.
Why I'd be her: She's a hero, she's even a bit of a celebrity, and she knows how to get the job done. And that job is saving all sentient life in the galaxy from total annihilation. She's smart, she's sexy, she's talented, and she makes sure she gets her way, because her way is the right way.

2. Hermione Granger

Source: Harry Potter series (books by J.K. Rowling, and movie adaptations)
Who is she: A brainy muggle-born witch, Hermione is a best friend of Harry Potter and a crucial part of the team to save the world from You-Know-Who.
Talents: She's not just any witch--she's the cleverest witch in famous Harry Potter's class.
Companions: Hogwarts pals Harry Potter and Ron Weasley stick together with her from book one until the end.
Nemesis: He's perhaps more of Harry's nemesis, but Lord Voldemort is the one they're all out to defeat.
Admirer: As they start to mature, it becomes apparent that she and Ron Weasley are meant for each other.
Why I'd be her: She's brilliant, she's magical, she has cool friends, she helps save the world, and she gets a happy ending. What more could I want?

1. Gorion's Ward

Source: Baldur's Gate, Baldur's Gate II (computer games)
Who is she: Raised by Gorion at the Candlekeep library, she turns out to be a Child of Bhaal, a status which leads her on many adventures, some by choice and others not. Her decisions have great significance to the world and all the planes.
Talents: Player's choice for the most part, but the ability to turn into the Slayer is a guaranteed bonus.
Companions: In her travels, she encounters about sixteen people willing to join her, including childhood companion Imoen, crazy ranger Minsc, and the druid Jaheira.
Nemeses: Gorion's ward faces a new nemesis in each installment: blood-thirsty brother Sarevok in the original, malicious wizard Irenicus in Baldur's Gate 2: Shadows of Amn, and mad priestess Melissan in BG2: Throne of Bhaal.
Admirer: Pompous knight Anomen Delryn falls in love with her over the course of their adventures together.
Why I'd be her: It's rough being a Child of Bhaal, but saving the world from big baddies like Sarevok and Irenicus and helping lots of people on the side sounds good to me. She also gets to hang with the coolest group of NPCs in any game I've ever played. And while her decision at the end of Throne of Bhaal is a tough one, it's not entirely unenviable.

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Well, that's my list. The order was tough to decide, but I stand by my ten choices. So am I crazy? Am I right on? Who would you be?

Working Tolkien into my college papers - Part 2

Sophomore year, as a Civil and Environmental Engineering major, I was forced to take a course called "The Mechanics of Solids." I know: boring! I was not pleased about being required to take such a dull-sounding class, especially after a fun-filled semester of Merlin and Magic. But much to my surprise, I really loved this course. The big deal in the class was the daunting Term Project, where students pair themselves off and, following the professor's approval of their proposal, conduct a rigorous (well, rigorous for a sophomore) analysis of a structure of their choice and write what becomes an approximately 20-page paper on the structure. Most students end up analyzing things like their loft bed, the bookshelf in their dorm room, an erg machine, or a local bridge. Again, boring! The paper my partner and I wrote was titled

The Bridge of Khazad-dûm:
A structural analysis of a bridge of Dwarven engineering*

I don't know which is more impressive--that an Ivy League professor actually approved the project proposal or that I found someone in the class who was willing to go along with my wacky idea. As I recall, the professor was game from the start. I consulted her at office hours before writing the proposal, since I wanted at least some assurance that the proposal had a hope of being approved, and she was enthusiastic about the idea (my good grades in the class up to that point may have helped convince her that I could pull it off). My friend in the class who had originally agreed to be my partner, and who liked the LotR movies and was initially excited about my idea, backed out before the proposal was due saying, "I want to do this project on something that I can tell an interviewer about down the road--you know?--impress them, saying, 'I analyzed this important structure' or something." When she suggested a traffic light support structure, it was clear our partnering for this project was not going to work out. Luckily, I managed to find another acquaintance in the class who said, yes, she's a big fan of the LotR movies and is still looking for a partner. I owe her a lot, for keeping my dream alive. In reality, she got a good deal; we scored an A+ on the paper. And we had some fun, watched Fellowship of the Ring as "research", and came away with a good story to tell.

So how does one make an engineering term paper out of the Bridge of Khazad-dûm? We started by estimating the dimensions of the bridge. Tolkien, being the thorough author he is, specifically says that the bridge is 50 feet long. However, knowing that we had more to go on overall (curvature, width, depth, material) with the bridge depicted in the movie, we decided to defer to the film and based all our estimates on the bridge's appearance in the movie. The beauty of this project being on an imaginary bridge, of course, was that our estimates only had to be just that--our professor wasn't going to take off points because the Bridge of Khazad-dûm was actually one foot wider than we thought. Anyway, approximating Gandalf's height and shoulder width and using those as units of measurement, we estimated that the bridge was 80 feet long, 3.5 feet wide, and 6 feet thick in the center and 10 feet thick at its supports. With these dimensions, we constructed equations for the top and bottom edge of the bridge, assuming a slight parabolic curvature.
Top edge: y = -0.00125(x - 40)^2 + 12
Bottom edge: y = -0.00375(x - 40)^2 + 6
(x goes from 0 to 80 ft)

Next, we had to make an educated guess of the material used to make the bridge. This involved some awkward questioning. I consulted a geologist and a geological engineer (I still remember the subject of the email I sent to this professor I'd never met: "An odd question...") as well as did a little reading on my own. Given the bridge's location in a mountain mine and considering what types of rock would be appropriate for a stable bridge, I concluded that the bridge was made of a rock with properties similar to quartzite. And thus we used the density and maximum compressive, tensile, and shear stress strength of quartzite for our calculations. With the material and dimensions determined, we provided a delightful analysis of the self-weight of the bridge. I won't bore you with the details, but in summary, the bridge was structurally very sound (the Dwarves obviously knew what they were doing).

Next, we delved into the bridge's critical moment** in the story: Gandalf's confrontation with the Balrog. The first question we had to ask for this was How much does a Balrog weigh? By judging the Balrog to have the approximate proportions of a 30-foot gorilla and the density of basalt, I estimated the weight of the Balrog to be around 185,000 pounds (seven times the weight of the largest elephant on record--it is made of rock, remember). Though the Balrog was clearly very hot, considering that the heat did not harm the fellowship members in close proximity and that the bridge was composed of heat-resistant rock, we judged the thermal effects of the Balrog to be negligible.

Armed with the weight of the Balrog and the self-weight and structural properties of the bridge, we went about solving what exactly it was that Gandalf's spell did to the bridge to make it break under the Balrog's weight. Our calculations showed that the bridge would have been able to hold the weight of the Balrog on its own (it would have been sort of amusing if we had found that the bridge was going to break under the Balrog anyway, without Gandalf casting any spell). So what kind of failure did the bridge experience after Gandalf cast his spell? A stone bridge could easily suffer a tensile failure. Picture a heavy rock on a flimsy shelf: the shelf bends downwards, squeezing the top surface of the shelf (compressive stress) while stretching the bottom surface of the shelf (tensile stress). The same happens when a load is placed on a stone beam, though the bending may not be visible, and while stone can take a lot of compression, it is not strong against tension. However, this type of failure would have been more likely to lead to a total collapse of the bridge and threaten Gandalf's footing as well as the Balrog's. What appeared to happen in the movie was a shear break--a section of rock cleanly breaking and sliding straight down from the adjacent rock. So Gandalf must have wisely chosen to weaken the shear strength of the rock. To make a long story short, we found that Gandalf's spell could have lowered the maximum allowable shear stress of the quartzite directly in front of him to under 65 pounds per square inch, causing a shear collapse under the Balrog when it stepped forward on the bridge. You... shall not... pass!!!



We concluded our paper with an analysis of the cantilevered remains of the broken bridge (it would still stand) and a summary of our findings.

And there you have it--more than you ever wanted to know about the structure of the Bridge of Khazad-dûm. In later years, when I'd become a disillusioned engineering upperclassman bitter about my choice of major (I switched into engineering? What was I thinking?!), I could always look back fondly on this class and this project and remember, Oh yeah, that's why I chose this major. I have no regrets about that class. And to the friend that dumped me as a partner because she wanted a project she could boast about to interviewers: In an interview for the job that lead me to my current career, when the interviewer asked me, "Can you give me an example of something unique and creative you've done, or a problem you've solved in a particularly creative way?" I proudly answered, "In my core engineering class on the Mechanics of Solids, I wrote a paper on the bridge in The Lord of the Rings!"


*The subtitle kind of cracks me up (I think my partner may have come up with it). It's so plain and straightforward and dull, but at the same time totally absurd.
**Sort of an engineering pun!! (and not one I'd originally intended.) Yeah, I'm a total nerd.