The Housemate: Part IV - It was perfect

This follows The Housemate: Parts I, II, and III. Sorry if my blog has devolved into a sappy teenage chick flick recently, but that's my life right now.


It was perfect.

We'd just watched Act 2 of Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog (I'm educating him slowly) and the Firefly episode "Trash." We were just getting cozy on the couch, scooched up next to each other. It was still only 9:30; he suggested we watch something else. We flip through my modest collection of movies and select Garden State; he hasn't seen it. I love that movie. Funny, cute, sweet. Also happens to be my most romantic movie that's not a chick flick.

It doesn't take long before his arm is resting on the back of the couch behind me. I lean back so his arm is now half on the couch back, half on my shoulders. Throughout the movie, I'm leaning into him bit by bit, he's folding his arm in closer bit by bit. Excruciatingly slow the both of us, like continental drift. We make it to the final scene in the movie--the scene at the airport. It's a scene of poignant sadness, love, hope, and bewilderment. I'm mainly wondering what's going to happen when the movie ends. Sitting on the couch alone in the dark house, the beautiful lights of the city night skyline in front of us. My skin is tingling. Sam and Andrew are sitting on the stairs at Newark International, discussing periods and ellipses...

And then our other two housemates--the Ukrainian couple--come home. They burst into the kitchen laughing and talking, turning on the lights. The mood is broken. We reluctantly break apart, and we watch the last two minutes of the movie sitting apart, with Ukrainian chatter in the background. It was like a scene out of a movie or TV show: so close but interrupted.

It was perfect.

I'll never know what would have happened if the Ukrainian housemates hadn't come home right then. Chances are that nothing would have happened. The sad truth of the matter is that this is farther than I've ever gotten before. It seems so elementary, but I'm kind of at a loss.

So what do we do? The question asked and unanswered at the end of Garden State. What do we do?


Find further developments in The Housemate: Part V.

The Housemate: Part III - First Date?

This follows previous posts The Housemate and The Housemate: Part II. I realize this all may make me seem like a silly teenager, but that's how it is.


As we stepped out of the door from the sticky-hot, crowded club into the cool open night air, I quickly established a firm two body widths distance between us. We walked toward the parking garage a couple blocks away, exchanging the normal small talk that follows a concert.

"That was really fun."
"They know how to put on a good show."
"The crowd was very enthusiastic."
"And the opening act was surprisingly good, too."
...

The conversation trailed off. I was quiet as we stood waiting for the crosswalk signal, mulling over how to broach the subject. When it finally came out, I gave my tone a little edge so it could almost be interpreted as a joke, if necessary.

"So... You refused to let me pay you back for the ticket, and I know it was really crowded in there, but still, you were getting pretty close. This was suspiciously like a date. Was it?"

"If you want it to be..."

There it was. The moment of confrontation I'd been dreading since I first felt him rest his palms lightly on my hips as we swayed with the crowd--as my brain screamed "Stop! We can't do this! Don't touch me!" while at the same time all I wanted was to lean back into him. I had resisted at first, subtly trying to loose myself of his hands. But I was not willing to be harsh about it, and we all know guys don't pick up the subtle hints. Besides, in that packed, wild crowd, it was just as well to have someone hanging onto me, and if I was going to be pressed up against someone's warm, sweaty body anyway, it might as well be a person I knew. So after a few song-lengths of feeble resistance, I just let it slide, not leaning back into him but not pulling away either.

But the whole show, my brain had been bouncing mixed signals through my head, so I would not have been surprised if he was picking up some mixed signals himself. Now was the time to explain. My head buzzing and my face flushed, it all came out in a rush.

"Look. I like really like you. A LOT. But it's complicated, because we're housemates. I mean, living together--if things didn't go well, it could make things very awkward. And also there's a certain stigma attached to having a relationship with someone you're living with--when all my old aunties here heard that I was planning on rooming with a guy, I had to assure them that you were just a friend. And at the time, I was convinced that was true; I never even suspected it could be different, because frankly I...I haven't met a guy that I wanted to be anything more than a friend since...college. And in college, even the guys that I might have wanted, I--I never did--I mean--*Sigh.* See, here's something you don't know about me that may help put this all into context. When you put your hands on my hips there in the crowd, you were the first guy who's ever done that to me. There have been guys who wanted to, but they all knew better. And there's the problem: We've been living together for three weeks, and we know each other well enough that under normal circumstances it would be perfectly fine to do this--go on dates I mean, and stuff. But as housemates? I just think we have to know each other much better and be much more sure than we are now before we dive in."

He hesitated for only a second, pausing perhaps not to consider but simply to make sure I'd finished saying my piece. Then he responded.

******

What did he say in response to my little monologue? I wish I knew. The events at the concert described above were all true, but the conversation afterwards was a work of fiction (as you might have guessed--when in real life do people actually get to deliver monologues?). I know I'm leading him on, but...I like it. I want him to want me. And I haven't met anyone I wanted to want me for years. So the hot-blooded side of me wants--well, what it wants is obvious. The practical side of me, which from experience I'd say is more obdurate in me than in most, thinks this is all a bad idea, at least at this early point in the game. But ultimately, the indecisive, cowardly side of me wins out, leaving everything unsaid and up in the air. Poor Housemate.

In my computer RPGs, the conversations are already written, the encounters planned, the few possible outcomes all preset--you just have to select the right lines when they pop up. But the RPG of real life is much more intricate. Someone please write us a happy resolution.


Continued with The Housemate: Part IV.

My Romances - Real Life

I'm kind of pretty, and pretty damn smart
I like romantic things like music and art
And as you know I have a gigantic heart
So why... don't I have a boyfriend?
Fuck! It sucks to be me!
-Avenue Q

You said it, Kate Monster. Today is Valentine's Day, a day for couples to get romantic and for singles to feel sorry for themselves. I know, there are plenty of other single 23-year-olds out there, and we're still young, we have plenty of time, plus there are lots of good things about being single right now. So I have no business feeling sorry for myself, right? Well, what if I said that I have never had a boyfriend? (Or any significant other, for that matter--I don't go for girls, I'm just trying to cover all my bases.) Yes, I could have left this post which I've entitled "My Romances - Real Life" blank. It would have saved you and me both some time. But this is a blog--it's not supposed to save time.

Before you go jumping to conclusions about how unlikeable a person I must be, I'd like to make it clear that my lack of boyfriends is not for a lack of suitors. Here's the rundown of guys who have asked me out (note: I don't think all of them had broken hearts, but it makes for a catchy label):

Broken Heart #1, 7th grade: He wasn't exactly the coolest kid in the class (granted I wasn't either), so you have to give him credit for having the confidence to ask. And you have to give me credit for letting him down very nicely (one can usually expect insecurity and meanness from a 7th grader). But the story doesn't end there. Before Valentine's Day, a rumor spread like wildfire across the 7th grade: this boy had purchased me 40 red carnations from the student council fundraiser (that's $40--an unspeakable amount of money at age 12). It is my understanding that a friend of mine spoke to him and convinced him not to bother, so luckily, the flowers never came (and he saved his money). Follow-up facts: He was in the high school drama club, so when I joined the drama club sophomore year, as luck would have it, my role in the opening number of my first show placed me next to him and demanded that I kiss him (just a peck on the cheek, at least). The tiniest bit awkward, but he had grown into a really nice, funny kid, and being in drama we both ended up hanging out with the same crowd of friends through high school.

Broken Heart #2, freshman year in college: In my first semester at college, I quickly found a good group of friends, and I started to develop a crush on one of them. And he clearly was developing a crush on me. On the night before his birthday, he asked me out. Now, this is proof that something's not quite right with my brain: I said no. I was too worried about it making things weird in our new circle of friends. And by the time three days had passed, I was 100% over him, and couldn't imagine why I had a crush on him in the first place. We remained friends through college, and I still find him very easy to talk to.

Broken Heart #3, freshman year in college: He was an acquaintance of mine who first asked me out to coffee via email, but then realized how lame that was and asked me in person. The answer was the same, though. I wasn't interested.

Broken Heart #4, junior year in college: He was a good friend, and I'd been getting a vibe from him for a while, but I was not interested so I tried my best to send anti-vibes or something. Didn't work. He asked me out, I turned him down.

Broken Heart #5, senior year in college: He was a very good friend, we had a lot in common, and he was so sweet that junior year he had slipped an anonymous Valentine he'd made out of pink and red construction paper under my door (his identity would have remained a secret if another one of my friends hadn't happened to pass through my dorm courtyard at the same time he was there and mention to me offhand the next day that he'd seen him). But, yet again, I didn't return the guy's feelings. The worst thing--he's probably long since gotten over this, but I will never be able to think about it without having visions of putting a gun in my mouth--is that, in spite of knowing that he had a crush on me, I was totally unprepared when he asked me out. Him: "I was wondering if you'd like to go out with me." Me: "Not really..." I did follow it up with more thoughtful words, but the fact is that the first words out of my mouth were, irrevocably, "Not really." Excuse me while I go stab myself in the eye, I still can't believe myself...

Broken Heart #6, first year post-baccalaureate: A coworker of mine sent me an email asking me out to lunch. He was, at that moment, working in the same office room that I was in, about 40 feet from me. Not in direct eyeshot, but if he had moved his chair three feet to the right, I could have seen him. Yeah. I rejected him via email.

Now, lest ye think I'm just a cold heartbreaker, I will add that I too have had my little heart broken. Here's the most relevant story:

Heartbreaker #1: A month or so after Broken heart #2, I started crushing on another close friend. But this time, my flirting--perhaps not so subtle as I thought--made him uncomfortable and drove him away. We made up before long, since I'd finally taken the hint that he wasn't interested, but I didn't totally give up my crush until the next year when he got a girlfriend, whom he is still with and who may actually be a closer friend of mine now than he is. Our close friendship never fully recovered, though there were other factors involved, with him growing further apart from my group of friends as a whole.

So there's the full disclosure on my non-love life. Hope you don't think I'm totally pathetic now. Maybe I am. How did I wind up this way? Have I just had bad luck, or have I been responsible for sabotaging my own chances at romance? Being someone who makes a habit of self-psychoanalysis, one of the things I've decided about myself is that, in many types of situations, I am either blessed or cursed with abnormally strong inhibitions. In some cases this makes me a very sensible person. But in other cases, does it just make me a coward?

Conjecture about my predispositions aside, this is the situation in which I find myself. Devoid of romance. To a certain extent, there is something cool and admirable about being a single, independent woman. I don't need a man. I took pride in making it through high school without a boyfriend (I mean, really, what high school guy is worth any girl's time?). When I finished college, it was like I was a member of an exclusive club. Each year makes me an increasingly exotic breed. A part of me is proud to be such an independent woman. But as my 24th Valentine's Day rolls around and I still find myself perpetually date-less, another part of me can't help but ask, What's wrong with me?

My Romances - Part 5

My Computer Game Romances, Part 5: So this is what happens when the graphics get more sophisticated...
Mass Effect
Kaiden Alenko

Some big mid-game SPOILERS...

Lt. Alenko was stationed on the Normandy where I was XO on that fateful trip to Eden Prime. We arrived to find the planet under attack, and in the aftermath of the attack, we went to the Citadel space station to report our findings directly to the Council. Suddenly, I found myself swept up into Council politics, and I was granted the Normandy as my own ship and tasked to track down the Council's rogue agent Saren, who was responsible for the attack on Eden Prime. As often happens with companions on such a quest, Kaiden and I became close friends during our search for Saren. There was even some good-natured flirting, but I was his commanding officer, and anything more than that was off limits.

Then came Virmire. On that accursed planet, I was faced with a decision that no one ever wants to have to make. With enemies closing in on two fronts, and time running out before our nuclear bomb blew, I had to choose between saving either Kaiden or another member of my crew, Chief Ashley Williams. I'd like to say that I chose Kaiden because he was the superior officer, or because I thought that saving him was more tactically feasible, but the truth is I couldn't bear the thought of losing him. And now we have to live with the fact that Ashley is dead because of my feelings for one of my soldiers.

On Virmire, we had discovered that Saren was just a pawn, and the real threat to the galaxy was far more sinister than we ever could have imagined. But the Council foolishly refused to believe our story, and grounded me, my crew, and my ship at the Citadel. Desperate to stop the terrible plans already in motion, we hijacked the Normandy and raced off to Ilos to save the galaxy. While in transit, Kaiden came to talk with me in my quarters. We couldn't allow our guilt over Virmire to consume us--Ashley would never have wanted it. We were headed for what seemed a hopeless showdown and certain death. And what was a fraternization charge when we had disobeyed a direct order from the Council, committed mutiny, and stolen a ship? With these justifications, Kaiden and I spent the night together in my quarters.

Miraculously, my crew and I were able to stop Saren, delaying the plans of those who had used him and saving the Council and the Citadel. The Council owes me, and I think from now on they will heed what I say. I wonder if this newfound influence will let me get away with my affair with Kaiden.

The voice actor who did Kaiden was the same guy who did the voice of Carth. The two characters sound exactly the same. I guess Raphael Sbarge has cornered the market for BioWare sci-fi male romantic interests. My previous history with Carth meant I had an immediate interest in Kaiden, though when talking about Mass Effect, I do have a tendency to refer to Kaiden as Carth. I can tell them apart, but, I mean, their names even start with the same sound!

Now, Kaiden was just one of the two romance options for a female Commander Shepard (the player character). The other was Liara. This was not actually a lesbian relationship, since while Liara looked like a woman (with blue skin and a weirdly textured scalp instead of hair) and sounded like a woman, she belonged to a mono-gender species, able to basically mate psychically with any other being, whether male or female or of a different species (there may be some restrictions that the being be sentient and not synthetic, though that much detail was not given). Still, in my human closed-mindedness, I couldn't help but think of Liara as a female. I was curious enough to see where the romance would lead, but the moment Shepard said, "Don't worry, Liara, I'll protect you," I said, "Uh, no Liara, you can take care of yourself, thank you" and reloaded to a save before the initiation of the romance. It is pretty awkward and cute, though, how embarrassed Liara gets when Shepard turns down her advances. Poor girl.

After Mass Effect was released, there was a bit of controversy surrounding it because of the sex scene. The controversy was mostly caused by a bunch of people who really didn't know what they were talking about (and eventually admitted to that fact), but yes, there was a very short optional scene with partial nudity (the game did appropriately earn a Mature rating). The partial nudity was very tame, though, with a sideview lasting maybe five seconds, and it would probably have even been acceptable on primetime TV. Still, I will say that it was enough to make me blush. I guess this is what we can expect now that the technology has advanced enough to portray intimate scenes.

If you're curious, read about my real-life romantic experiences in my next post.

My Romances - Part 4

My Computer Game Romances, Part 4: The Paladin and the Hagspawn
Neverwinter Nights 2: Original Campaign and Mask of the Betrayer
Casavir and Gannayev

Some SPOILERS

I met Casavir battling orcs near Old Owl Well, and he agreed to join my party in the service of Neverwinter. I must admit that I did not take much notice of him at first, and most of the time I left him behind at the Sunken Flagon. As with all the members of my party, of course, I was interested in his story and made friendly conversation with him. But I was a warlock, and he was a stuffy, boring paladin. I would never have expected there to be anything between us, and though he may have been dropping hints all along, I didn't pick any of them up.

Count on a succubus to play matchmaker. I happened to take Casavir along with me to Ammon Jerro's haven, where the imprisoned succubus Blooden spilled the beans as she taunted Casavir about his feelings for me. I was embarrassed, though not nearly as embarrassed as Casavir. But we had worse things to worry about in that lair, so we moved on. It was only after this encounter with the succubus that I started to realize that I had feelings for Casavir as well. On the calm night before the undead forces of the King of Shadows crashed upon Crossroad Keep, we laid in each other's arms, knowing that with the upcoming battle, it might be our only chance to be together. After defending the keep, we took the fight straight to the lair of the King of Shadows in the Mere of Dead Men. We succeeded in defeating him, but with his death the sanctum collapsed. I blacked out, and when I awoke, I was in Rasheman, thousands of miles from the Sword Coast and my friends, whose fates I had no way of knowing.

In this foreign land, I found I was plagued by a mysterious and terrible curse, and an army of spirits was out to kill me. The Rashemi witches left me to find companions on my own who were willing to face the spirits and my curse, and recommended that I look in the prisons for men desperate enough to help me. And that is where I met Gannayev, Gann-of-Dreams. Where most hagspawn are brutish and ugly, he was beautiful, with a smooth voice speaking honeyed words to melt even the coldest of hearts--and he knew it, too. His mischievous charm was a dangerous mix with his innate ability to touch people's dreams, and he had been jailed for what I understand was essentially preying upon farmers' daughters in their dreams.

During our quest to put an end to my curse, Gann faced the mother who had cast him out on his own as an infant, and she turned out to be the hag but not the monster he had always thought. This relieved him of his jaded outlook on life, softening his heart to realize that he had fallen for me. Meanwhile, I found one of my old companions from Neverwinter who delivered some tragic news: while some of my companions had escaped after our battle with the King of Shadows', Casavir had fallen, crushed as he held up a collapsing passageway so others could get to safety.

Gann admitted his feelings for me before our attack on the City of Judgment, but my heart was still profoundly wounded by the loss of Casavir. I could not return his love. He took this surprisingly well. Once the Betrayer's Curse was ended, we continued to travel together, eventually making our way back to the Sword Coast.

I thought Casavir was really quite a boring character. His history included some sort of secret that prompted him to leave his position as a knight of Neverwinter, but he never gave a satisfactory explanation of this and so mostly didn't make sense to me (I think a proper explanation was among the deleted content of the game). Anyway, I had no idea he was a romance character until that conversation with the succubus at the very end of Act II, which was pretty funny. I was totally weirded out by it at first (the noble paladin wants me? ew), but by the time the romance actually got started, I was willing to go with it.

Gann, in comparison, was attractive from the start, with his pretty face and witty words. Of course, this was tempered by the fact that he was pretty vain and a bit of a pervert, messing around in the dreams of women. But the events of the story changed him significantly, and by the end of the game, I was definitely crushing on him. And I do mean I; though I thought Gann was far more attractive than poor Casavir, because I had invested my character into that Casavir romance, I couldn't see her going for Gann so quickly after learning of the paladin's death (apparent death... there may be more in Storm of Zehir, which I haven't played). Here's where the role-playing comes into the role-playing game, showing that, just as in other media, one can differentiate oneself from one's character in a computer game romance.

Still, I should recognize that this is the only game I have played that allows the player character to have consecutive romances. And while I implied yesterday that Carth is the only romantic interest I've encountered that the player character doesn't sleep with over the course of the game, I believe that even if I had gone through with the Gann romance, there would have been no sex until after the end of the game (Gann and the PC apparently get married in the end story). Also, for those keeping score, I should note that Casavir was the first computer game character that I successfully romanced on my first try. I'm not totally hopeless in the (computer) game of love!

In my next post, find out whom I chose to romance in Mass Effect.

My Romances - Part 3

My Computer Game Romances, Part 3: I should tell you - I got baggage too.
Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic
Carth Onasi

Some minor SPOILERS

I met Captain Carth Onasi when we both jumped in the last escape pod as the Sith blew the Endar Spire to pieces over Taris. He was a Republic war hero and star pilot, and I was just a new recruit, but as the only two soldiers who survived the attack, we had to work together to save the captured Jedi Bastila before the Sith got their hands on her. We did manage to save her, but then it got complicated. Before I knew it, I was a Jedi padawan, and we were flying with Bastila around the galaxy to stop Darth Malak from conquering the Republic.

It didn't take long for me to figure out that Carth had some serious baggage. Here's the story: Carth had a wife and son whom he adored on Telos, until Darth Malak ordered an attack on Telos that left the entire planet decimated and his wife and son dead (though it turned out that his son wasn't dead--he had just gone and joined the Sith!). The worst part? The man who carried out Malak's order was Carth's mentor and trusted friend, Saul Karath. So understandably, Carth had trust issues. But our many journeys on our quest to save the galaxy brought us close together, and he was finally starting to trust me. Then, everything blew up. Turns out I had baggage of my own to make his seem like nothing--and to destroy any trust I had earned from him.

It took some time, but as we both worked through our own issues, we came to see how much we cared for each other, and how much we needed each other. He couldn't fight Darth Malak with me in our final confrontation. But he could give me the resolve to triumph and a reason to live on afterwards.

The Carth romance isn't hard to get, though once again, I missed it on my first playthrough (does my failure with computer game guys say something about my real life?). You have to talk to him (though I think this game does give you reminders to talk to your NPCs; they clearly spent a lot of time writing and recording their dialogue, so it would be a shame if you missed it all), but the main trick is you can't finish the quests on all three planets of Tatooine, Kashyyyk, and Manaan before visiting Korriban--there's something you need to do there before you find three Star Maps. My mistake the first time through was saving Korriban for last.

Of all my computer game romances, Carth was probably my favorite. Maybe I'm just a sucker for good guys with baggage (paging Dr. Shephard...), and I'm destined for misery. But there was something about this romance that worked. Carth and the player character were together from the very start (well, not the very start, but the tutorial hardly counts), when they alone were left to pick up the mess on a hostile planet. They had the whole game to get to know each other, and KotOR certainly has a lot of long PC-NPC conversations. And Carth and the PC both had personal problems that they could help each other through. After the Leviathan bombshell, Carth was shocked and shaken by what seemed to be a new betrayal, but it was nothing compared to my character's own devastation. By the end, he accepted that fact, and he accepted her for who she was.

This was the only player character who never had "that night" in her romance. That is, there are never conversations before and after the characters sleep in which it is made entirely clear what happened in between. There's not even an awkward kiss. The romance is resolved sometime near the end of the game in a conversation. Carth recognizes that the PC helped him save his son and avenge his wife's death, but most importantly, she helped him find a purpose beyond his revenge. And he offers to do the same for her, with the words "I think I could love you, if you give me the chance." Simple, yes, but something in that simplicity rings true.

Read about my two romances in NWN2 in my next post.


pc with bf on Manaan

My Romances - Part 2

My Computer Game Romances, Part 2: He has horns...
Neverwinter Nights: Hordes of the Underdark
Valen Shadowbreath

Valen and I have been to hell and back together--literally. We met in the depths of the Underdark, where I was bound by a geas to kill the evil drow ruler, the Valsharess. As an ally of the Seer, whose goal was also to defeat the Valsharess, Valen joined me as I attempted to gather an army to face off against the Valsharess's forces. But it turned out that the Valsharess was not the worst of our enemies; the she had summoned the archdevil Mephistopheles, foolishly thinking that she could control him, but he killed her, banished Valen and me to a plane in Hell, and began carrying out his plans to demolish our world Toril. However, through perseverance and a lot of luck, we were able to escape from Hell and defeat Mephistopheles.

Being half tanar'ri, Valen was once conscripted to battle on the side of the demons in their never-ending Blood War against the devils. In the Blood War, he witnessed unspeakable horrors and saw the darkest side of himself; he doesn't just have demons--he is one. Though those memories will never go away or become untrue, he has reached a new chapter in his life, where he spurns his demonic urges and fights for good. With me. Like many tieflings, Valen has horns and a long pointed tail, but I can't complain, since as a Red Dragon Disciple, I have two leathery wings! Besides, the horns and the tail are kind of a turn-on. And he sure is a master at using that flail of his. Hot!

Give me a moment to regain a modicum of self-respect.
...
...
Okay.

In my first play through NWN: HotU, I did not pursue the Valen romance. Unlike my previous romantic experience in BG2, the HotU romance didn't pop up on its own. To get the Valen romance, I had to initiate the conversations with Valen myself, and there were no reminders that I should do this (in some games, you'll get a "[NPC] has seemed a little distant lately, maybe you should try talking to him" message). So this first playthrough, I was totally oblivious to the Valen romance, and the Knower of Names towards the end of the game told me that my one true love was the Sleeping Man. The bald green guy snoozing in Hell until his true love (apparently me) comes along to wake him. Now, granted, he does have pretty, fluffy white wings, and at the end of the game he took my character off to his heavenly home plane to live in pure bliss for all eternity. But there was no build up to that "romance", so it hardly counts.

My second playthrough, I did get the Valen romance. And I gotta say, I was a little put off by it. But it was an "it's not you, it's me" kind of situation; Valen's dialogue as things started to get romantic between him and my character uncomfortably mirrored the words of a friend of mine (in real life; "Broken Heart #2" in my Romances - Real Life post) who had recently asked me out and I had turned down (that's another story for another day). Silly real life tainting the in-game experience. What's with that?

Read about my favorite computer game romance in my next post.

My Romances - Part 1

My Computer Game Romances, Part 1: You're so vain
Baldur's Gate 2: Shadows of Amn, and expansion Throne of Bhaal
Anomen Delryn

SPOILERS

I met Anomen at an inn called the Copper Coronet in the Slums district of Athkatla, the capital of Amn, shortly after I had been brought to the unfamiliar city against my will by the evil mage Irenicus and had escaped from his dungeon. I was in need of friends in that unfriendly city; I needed to amass a great deal of gold to save my childhood friend Imoen from the island prison run by Athkatla's Cowled Wizards, and to earn that gold, I needed a team to help me with lucrative adventurers' quests. My first impression of Anomen was that he was a pompous fool. Still, I needed another fighter and healer on my team, and I preferred the noble prick to the crazy, bloodthirsty dwarf in the room, so I welcomed Anomen into my party.

I must admit that I was initially more charmed by the sweet words of Haer'Dalis, our bard companion, than the boastful stories that Anomen liked to tell. But Haer'Dalis called me raven, while the elf Aerie was his dove, and over time I came to see that Anomen's bombastic manner was just a facade to hide his insecurities and his guilt. The adventuring profession, you see, is a magnet for troubled souls. It also naturally attracts trouble, and when Anomen received word that the sister he had left at home with his drunkard father had been murdered, it tore him apart, his thirst for vengeance nearly ruining his chances of becoming a knight. I was experiencing my own troubles around that time (oh, Irenicus just stole my soul), but through our love we were able to help each other overcome these obstacles.

After the defeat of Irenicus, our quest shifted to preventing the children of the late god of murder Bhaal from killing each other (particularly since the Bhaalspawn included Imoen and me), as well as the rest of the world that was in the way. During this time, my love for Anomen grew. He gave me a golden ring, and he promised that after it was all over, after we had stopped all the Bhaalspawn killings and the plots to resurrect a new god of murder, he would marry me. But in the end, I was forced to make the most tortuous choice of my life: I could either release the god essence collected from all the children of Bhaal so that no god would ever rise in his place, or take it as my own and become a god myself. While I wanted nothing more than to be done with the legacy of Bhaal and to marry Anomen and live a normal life with him until I died, I knew that fate never meant for me to live a simple, happy life. The world and all the planes needed me as another powerful force for good, so I traded my desires for the obligation of godhood. The decision tore Anomen and me apart, but he is strong and will endure. And I will always wear the gold ring he gave me, so that I might remember the love that I once shared with a mortal man.

Oh, god, is that some good, sappy soap opera material there. I actually completely missed out on the Anomen romance on my first playthrough of BG2. As I said, I was more interested in the charming Haer'Dalis and thought that Anomen was an obnoxious prick. I pretty sure what happened was that in the first "romance conversation" with Anomen, I told him to his face that he was very vain, and that was the end of that. If you know it's there, though, the Anomen romance isn't so hard. When he talks to you, with trumpets playing a sweet melody in the background, be nice to him. Don't trade him out of your party, and don't let him fall to the dark side--that is, don't let him kill Saerk out of vengeance. Do all those things and it's easy; he initiates the necessary conversations in due time.

As with most things in Baldur's Gate 2, this romance is better developed than the romances in the other games I have played. And while Anomen did not on the surface seem to be my ideal kind of man, my imagination was able to fill out enough of his character to make the romance make sense. Thanks to the great writers of BG2, this romance did not disappoint. I was, however, a little disappointed that they scrapped the Haer'Dalis romance (male player characters got three women to choose from to romance--not fair). Luckily, I got to have my tiefling fling in a later game...

My Romances - Introduction

In celebration of Valentine's Day this week, I am going to spill all the juicy details about my romances. Computer game romances, that is.

Yes, many of the rpgs that I play incorporate romances into their stories. Some people who look on these games as outsiders tend to find these romances odd, geeky, and even sketchy. This may be so, but consider that most movies have romances, whether they are the main plot or just a "side quest". Even if a story is not explicitly a "romance", it is likely to have a number of well-developed, interesting characters, and it is only natural that in some cases, romances may bloom between them. And if the story is a good one, the audience will feel some connection to the romance, and have some stake in it. Does the movie Garden State not ask guys in the audience to fall a little bit in love with Sam? Does Pride and Prejudice not ask women in the audience to fall a little bit in love with Mr. Darcy? Well, the romances in computer games are a lot like the romances in any movie or book.

The main difference, of course, is that the main character of a computer game is a more direct representative of the player (that is, the computer game player, not... player player...) in the story's fictional world than the main character of a movie or book is of the audience. The player is in charge of the actions of her character, and it is thus her choice to pursue the romance. Does that make it sketchy? If you had to choose whether Andrew Largeman would fall for Sam, or if Elizabeth Bennet would fall for Mr. Darcy, wouldn't you choose in favor of the romance (assuming you don't have some unfounded aversion to my two examples)? Keep in mind that romances in a game are already written, just as in a book or movie. They are in fact harder to get, since they are not guaranteed; in the games I have played, the player has to make the right choices--in dialogue and in action--or the romance won't happen. I have definitely failed in a number of romances on my first play through a game, by either mistreating or neglecting the eligible wooer.

Hopefully this has given you some level of appreciation for video game romances, if you were not already one of the converted. If you still think I'm crazy, fine, laugh all you want. In my next five posts, I will bury my embarrassment to share my experiences with my computer game romances.

Part 1: Baldur's Gate 2 - "You're so vain"
Part 2: Neverwinter Nights - "He has horns..."
Part 3: Knights of the Old Republic - "I should tell you - I got baggage"
Part 4: Neverwinter Nights 2 - "The Paladin and the Hagspawn"
Part 5: Mass Effect - "So this is what happens when the graphics get more sophisticated"