Thursday, September 10, 2009

The Housemate: Part V - Complicated

The Housemate saga continues from Parts I, II, III, and IV. This post makes more sense if you've seen Firefly. If you haven't, then get on that.

Dear Housemate:

You're not perfect.

You have bad teeth. You're not particularly funny or witty. We're both in oceanography (you might think I'd see that as a good thing, but I don't). Our hobbies are not very similar. You love surfing more than I ever will, though I'm doing my best to learn. You're game when I make you watch geeky things (Firefly, Dr. Horrible, The Guild, Into the Woods), and you seem to think they're all great (because they are), but I don't expect to be able to change your interests entirely. And I know this is unfair and totally snobby of me, but frankly I've been asked out by really, really smart guys in college, and I just don't think you're as smart as I'd like you to be, in the ways that I'd like you to be--I'm not sure how much you could challenge me.

Plus there's a lot we still don't know about each other. We've been spending a lot of time together in the past month, but it's still only one month. You don't know my religious beliefs, my political tendencies, the classes I took in college, why I always wear my gold necklace, or the fact that you were the first guy who ever put his hands on my waist and had it mean something. And what don't I know about you?

After all, what are the chances that when moving to a new city, the one person we fall for happens to be the person we live with? Is this just a crush of convenience? Maybe I'm wrong, but these just don't seem to be the ideal conditions for a relationship.

Your Housemate

P.S. I still think you're the perfect housemate, though.

I've been falling for the Housemate over the past few weeks, but old habits die hard. I didn't make it to age 24 having never had a date, a boyfriend, or a kiss without an intense aversion to complications and a serious ability to over-think things. Take Broken Heart #2: I was seriously crushing on him, and he on me, he asked me out, I turned him down to avoid complications in our group of friends, then I started justifying turning him down by thinking of all the things wrong with him, and within three days the crush had completely dissolved. Nice and neat (on my end, at least). And now I'm toying with the idea of doing the same thing to the poor Housemate.

Last night the Housemate and I sat together on the couch and watched the Firefly episode "Heart of Gold". Inara and Mal have clearly both fallen each other, but they both hate complications, and a romance between them would be incredibly complicated: shipboard romances are a bad idea in general, and Inara is a Companion, after all. At the end of the episode, just when you think they'll finally confess their love to one another, Inara tells Mal that she's leaving the ship. Sticky situation averted. Cupid weeps.

It's unsettling how much that plot line resonates with my life right now. I wouldn't move out of the house, but I could firmly pull away from whatever it is we've been heading towards ever since that concert. Maybe it would be for the better. And I've got my stupid list of justifications.

But the thought of him with someone else... If that were to happen... I think you'd find me curled up on the floor sobbing in the next room.

Continued with Part VI.


Hezabelle said...

Yeah, the complications is why I haven't dated in four years either. But at some point, it's got to be worth the complication, right?

I say keep seeing where it goes, and give him time to discover all of those things about you and you about him.

Nobody's perfect. And in fact, you might like that you have different hobbies. It gives you more to learn!

Eleni said...

You're right that so far it's been fun introducing each other to our own interests--me learning to surf, and him watching whatever TV shows I like with me. I guess I'm just afraid that the novelty of that will wear off eventually.

But your encouragement is very welcome. You're right that at some point it's worth the complications. Hopefully, I'm at that point!