Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Commander Shepard is the very model...

So I finally bit the bullet and paid for the extra Kasumi Goto expansion for Mass Effect 2. Painful admission: what finally convinced me to do it was the fact that Shepard gets some new formal wear. Yes, Shepard gets to wear a little black dress!

It was surprisingly tough to get a good screen shot in the outfit, but here's what I have...

In the dress (and heels!) with Kasumi (who is in the midst of cloaking herself)

Another shot

Closer view of the neckline

Honestly, I was a little disappointed. I thought the dress could have been cuter, and Shepard's regular walking/running animation looked a little weird in high heels. Still, I was happy to have a new outfit.

If you've played Mass Effect 2 or read my Mass Effect 2 notes post, you'll know that one of the party members, Mordin, sings a parody of the "Major-General's Song" from Pirates of Penzance: "I am the very model of a scientist salarian." It is brilliant, hilarious, and possibly my favorite moment of the whole game. For those of you who are unfamiliar with Gilbert and Sullivan, take a moment to educate yourselves.

Can you spot Kevin Kline?

Now Mordin's version ("salarian" is his species)

In that spirit, I was inspired to write some verses of my own, considering that, after all, Commander Shepard is the very model of a Council Spectre (that is, an elite agent who reports directly to the head of the inter-species government). I struggled a bit filling out the syllables for the first, key line, resulting in a few versions of the song. It all makes more sense if you've played the game, of course.

First, the general Mass Effect 2 plot version...

I am the very model of a Spectre of the Citadel
My crew includes a krogan, geth, asari, quarian, and drell
I died but Cerberus revived me just to save the human race
And so we chase Collectors through strange relays into unknown space
I've brought down Reapers, slavers, mercs, dance floors and thresher maws as well
I am the very model of a Spectre of the Citadel

Bothered by the fact that no one in ME2 would actually say "Spectre of the Citadel" (it really would be "Spectre of the Citadel Council" or something like that), I came up with the following two verses, which allude to the fact that throughout the game, the player chooses between actions and dialogue options categorized as either "paragon" or "renegade".

I am the very model of a Council Spectre paragon
While life can sometimes make it hard to separate the right from wrong
I try to keep from killing people, drawing deals up with my charm
And make sure in my battles any innocents don't come to harm
I'll even stall my mission just to buy our cook some tarragon
I am the very model of a Council Spectre paragon

I am the very model of a Council Spectre renegade
When asked to save the galaxy I certainly will offer aid
But I'll use any tactics I deem necessary to succeed
So if you get in my way I'll not hesitate to make you bleed
I'll help you out but trust me you will want to make sure I get paid
I am the very model of a Council Spectre renegade

Don't tell me I have too much time on my hands. It was fun, that's all. Could be better...I'm still tweaking some of the lines. Any suggestions?


Kara said...

I know nothing of ME2, but you seem to love it so much! :) And I do enjoy a good spoof of Gilbert and Sullivan. You should check out the Sunshine Award I've given to you on my post today!

Sebastian said...

Bonus points for rhyming paragon with wrong -- you should totally record yourself... singing/incanting...!

You're right, the dress could be cuter. You do look rather hot though.

Eleni said...

Kara - I know you don't really do these kinds of computer games, but ME2 is awesome! I'll stop talking about it eventually, though. And thanks--that's my first blogger award :)

Seb - Are you picking on me for my bad rhyme? I tried to come up with real rhymes--gone? con? pawn? dawn? (your accent may allow for a different selection of rhymes)--but nothing seemed to work. I don't know if it would really sound that great with me singing. I don't think of myself as the patter song type.

And thanks! Shepard is one hot Spectre.

Vanessita said...

Hey, this is freakin' awesome Eleni!!! I just lmao here!!!
The rhymes are into character and fit the timing just right, a nice display of creative geekiness! ^^

Eleni said...

Thanks! I amused myself with it, but it's nice to know that someone else was amused, too :)