Saturday, September 11, 2010

The Housemate: First Anniversary

Tonight marks the first anniversary of my first kiss with the Housemate*. The first night that we spent together (fully clothed, no further than "second base"). For those of you who are newer to my blog and don't remember all the drama I posted about at the beginning of our relationship, you can find all the links to the posts here. I have been relatively quiet about the progress of our relationship since the first several weeks when I was still finding my footing and felt like airing my uncertainties on this blog. But I figure this is good a time for a little update, in case people are interested in how things are between us now.

Things have been going pretty smoothly for a while. After a couple months, I got over the weirdness of calling him my boyfriend, and being considered his girlfriend. I did spend a while trying to figure out when I could tell him I loved him (he had already told me--way too early, I might add--though he did back up from it for awhile, probably waiting for me to say it once before he tried saying it again). I tried planning (OK, how about when he drops me off at the airport? Or maybe when we he gets back from vacation and I pick him up at the airport? How about his birthday?). But the occasion just never seemed right. And then finally a few months later it happened. It happened naturally, without any fanfare or anything--just kind of went by as if it were nothing new. I guess it wasn't really, because I think he already knew. We tell each other "I love you" a lot, now.

We sleep together every night, but we still haven't passed "third base". I'm not really sure why; maybe he has ethical reasons to abstain from sex before marriage? I suppose maybe it's something we should talk about, but since we both seem comfortable with the current arrangement we haven't moved to change anything. Is that strange?

Things aren't completely perfect, though. We never fight, not in the normal sense. We're both too mild-mannered to yell or even really get angry at each other. But I've noticed that what we do is we get sad at each other. We have a disagreement, and someone gets sad. The other person, not wanting to be the type who makes the other one sad, then either rushes in to apologize, or gets sad for making the other person sad. It's like a war of who can make the other person feel more guilty. And it usually ends with lots of kisses and both of us saying we're sorry (though one person--the loser of the "argument"--means it more). Kind of disgusting, in a way. I wish we didn't get sad at each other as often. I swear, the Housemate can be really sensitive about things.

Also, I wonder if the lack of full-on intimacy may be keeping me back a little from fully falling for him. I mean I'm very happy with him, I love him, but after a year I still can't picture ever marrying him. Maybe the fact that I've never "shopped around" is leaving me unsure of whether he's really a good match, since I've no one to compare him to. Or maybe that's just me at this stage in life--some of my friends my age are getting married, but I still feel very far away from that kind of lifestyle.

Anyway, for the most part, I am very happy with our relationship. It's a little weird, and maybe limiting, having my boyfriend also be my best friend and my roommate. But it is also very convenient. We have great times together and always enjoy each other's company. I am making slow progress with surfing (his biggest hobby), and I've been successful in geekifying him through TV shows, movies, and even a little gaming (I just gave him a "Look at me still talking when there's science to do" t-shirt, which he was psyched about). And he cooks for me a lot. It's great. I don't know how things will turn out between us, but for now things are pretty wonderful. That's as much as I can ask for, for now.

*It also happened to be my first romantic kiss ever, but whatever.


Hezabelle said...

Happy Anniversary! I remember the talk about should you or shouldn't you when it all started. I'm glad you did, you guys seem to do a lot of fun stuff together!

Though, it sounds like there's some other FUN things you could be doing together ;) and you should probably talk about that with him.

Anonymous said...

Glad to hear things are going so well.

soft nonsense said...

If I may, let me take off my assistant's skirt and put on my Barbra Streisand in The Prince of Tides ass-masking therapist pantsuit...

Shopping around doesn´t necessarily equate to finding something better. Sometimes you know it, and sometimes you don´t. Doesn´t mean there´s not a future in this relationship, but you´ll know it when you find it. It is a little strange you two haven´t talked about it yet, how often do you two talk about major relationship things like that? Is it just one (giant) thing that hasn´t come up yet, or do you guys circumvent it like you circumvent fighting?

All that being said (It´s 430 here, and I´m hella sleepy lol), big, big congratulations to you. Sounds like you´ve found something pretty darn good, and I hope it takes you to some special places :)

cassey said...

Yay for being happy. I'm with soft nonsense there are somethings you need to talk about, and that shopping around doesn't always lead to something better. I hope you guys have one of those big talks soon, at least figure out if you'll still be housemates for awhile, and what your thoughts on s-e-x are. It's better to be on the same page. Hope my tone doesn't come across as bossy :-/

Sebastian said...

Congratulations! Has it really been a year? Time goes by too quickly at our age...

Definitely worth a chat, re: sex. It sounds like you're having a grand time without it, so the addition of sex can only really improve things -- plus, as Hez says, it's really quite FUN.

(I'm trying to work out if third base means you haven't orgasmed yet... damn that American system...)